Elephants, Dead Fish, Vomit

Being a coach is a privilege. Each week people come to me, so brave and honest, sharing some of their deepest fears and most uncomfortable beliefs about themselves with me. Speaking this out loud feels like shining a torch into the dark shadows that we prefer not to see.

Naming it: the beach ball effect

Naming is a game-changer. I see a sense of relief in people when they name what is happening. This relief can be explained by the beach ball metaphor. Each time we have a thought or feeling we don’t deal with, it is like trying to push the beach ball under the water. Each new feeling we don’t acknowledge pushes the beach ball down further. Eventually it takes our whole strength and energy to keep the beach ball suppressed. And at some point we can’t keep it down any longer. And when it shoots to the surface it hits someone hard.

Elephants, dead fish and vomit are how AirBnb frame issues that need to be aired in their company. I like this as a framework to think through things we need to have honest, brave conversations about.

Elephants - the big thing unspoken things that are always in the room and you don’t dare to bring up.

Dead Fish - something that happened in the past - maybe even as long as few years ago – that you can’t let go of.

Vomit - the things we need to just get out in to the open , the things we want to vent about.

What's the elephant in the room? What are you not saying? What’s holding you back? If you were being truly brave and honest, what would you say?