Are you in control? Get back in the driving seat now!
Have you ever heard of the Drivers? They come from the work of 70s psychologist Taibi Kahler. Each Driver sums up a common way that we operate in the world. Up to a point they are what makes us successful, but taken too far they sabotage our leadership.
When I share the Drivers with the hospitality leaders I work with they often have a big “Aha!” moment. Being more conscious of your Drivers puts you back in control. As if you are doing the driving and no longer being driven. Each Driver has positives, drawbacks and an antidote to balance it out. Here are 3 of the most common ones.
1. Be Strong
Be Strong leaders stay calm under pressure, can cope with a crisis, and make people feel safe by taking charge. Taken too far this Driver means you don’t ask for help (even when you should) and find it hard to express emotion which can make you seem insensitive. You can end up shouldering all the responsibility and not sharing it with your team. Or putting up with working conditions (for example hours or culture) that many would find unreasonable.
Alternative: instead of Be Strong try Say What you Need
Things to try: ask for help more often, delegate more responsibility to others, look after your own wellbeing more, be vulnerable - tell people about an area you are weak in or a past failure, have stronger boundaries around work hours.
2. Please Others
Please Others leaders are empathetic. They notice things others may not see like body language and use their intuition to read a situation. Pleasing others (reading the table, making guests happy) is in the DNA of so many hospitality leaders for a good reason. It’s what hospitality is all about.
Taken too far this becomes people pleasing. We lack courage in our own ideas and decisions as we worry too much what people think of them. We can appear lacking in critical skills as we just agree with everything. And there’s a danger of burnout as we think of everyone’s needs before our own.
Alternative: instead of Please Others try Please Yourself
Things to try: saying a polite no to things that do not fit your priorities, preparing for meetings by asking yourself ‘what do I want to get out of this?’, doing one thing purely for yourself each day.
3. Hurry Up
Hurry Up leaders get things done quickly and efficiently. Many of my founder and CEO clients have a strong Hurry Up driver – seeking growth, dreaming up new projects and launching them at pace.
Taken too far this Driver means you make mistakes as you are rushing. You may alienate others - expecting them to match your pace. You hurtle into decisions and don’t give yourself time to strategise. And you are so busy you miss out on the JOY of the moment.
Alternative: instead of Hurry Up try Take it Steady
Things to try: working more methodically, taking micro-breaks, not responding immediately to messages, planning a realistic amount of to-dos each day. Try scheduling a one hour ‘thinking time’ slot into your weekly routine.
What’s driving your leadership? What are the benefits? What are the drawbacks? What’s one small step you might take as a result of reading this?
